Hello world, how are you? Firstly I must apologise profusely for my lack of posting for so so long. Please forgive me and thank you to all those who have been reading and commenting while I have been off the grid, I shall not let you all down again. In this post I will briefly explain why and give a quick overview of my thoughts and feelings. Reading back through I have noticed I've used the term "I think" a lot. Its very difficult sometimes to know exactly what you are feeling/felt and why so I have largely just had to hypothesize, I hope it will all become clear. Over the next weeks I will in depth go back over interesting things from the last few months.
So where have I been I hear you cry! The answer is in short, exactly where you left me, Marianne and I are still in our temporary jobs and living with her parents. This is partly the reason for my lack of posting I think, I have been very up and down over the past few months and despite dozens of times writing posts in my head I have never actually been able to get them down. It started with my laptop breaking which was where I had notes for future posts, after I lost this knew I was having to improvise and to be completely honest, I was not at all motivated.
Its not all doom and gloom my any means, I have had some really great times over the last few months and I look forward to telling you about them! But yes things have also been hard as our temporary situation drags out for longer than planned. I feel bad as I wanted to articulate my feelings so many times as after all this was meant to in some ways an aid for others and a memory for myself. That being said though, my inability to ever actually sit down and open up is probably as good an indication as any as to how I have felt in a strange sort of way. The days, weeks and months have at many times simply flowed into one with time passing faster than I had ever imagined it could while also frustrating dragging out and making me so painfully aware that things were as I should have guessed, harder than expected.
I think I remember stating in an early post that I expected the first couple of months to be quite fun and novel, and then the months to follow to be a very hard slog. Well I have never been more right although I have discovered that being aware of a challenge and actually facing it are two very very different things. A large amount of the problem has been is I think I dont like to admit to myself, or more importantly anyone else, how hard things are at times. I like to think I am always level headed and optimistic and I find it essential that others see this in me too. The last thing I want is the loved ones around me worrying, and being the insanely caring and loving people they are it is very easy to have that happen.
The bottom line is in all honesty, I am fine, really! Its difficult to be completely certain sometimes as I spend so long telling myself and others this that I forget if I'm lying, but I'm not! Yes things are hard, harder than expected, I am frustrated with the language, living and employment situation, of course I am. But all that aside I am managing ok and I am still 100% sure this is the place for me to be and that things will work themselves out very soon.
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